I was rebelling against the health & fitness world..

I was rebelling against the health & fitness world

Last week, I wrote about my 3 action steps for November.  Here they are again:

1.      Stop doing 20 things at the same time

2.      Get back to my meditation practice

3.      Be mindful when I eat

One week into my MINDFUL NOVEMBER and I’m ready to talk a little more about it.

First, I believe that things are going well.  I am keeping my action steps in mind and make sure I do what I said I would. LOL

1.      I’m a mom, so doing 20 things at the same time IS part of the job description BUT I also try to have moments were I don’t let chaos lead the way.  Pick ONE activity or ONE moment to get started.  10 minutes of reading before bed.  A 20 minutes bubble bath.  10 minutes of silently sipping your coffee before the kids wake up.  ETC.  Do you want to start your day or end your day with this mindful practice? YOU get to decide.

2.      My alarm goes off at 6:05AM.  I get out of bed, pee, start the coffee and then go to the basement (that’s where my quiet corner is..for now)  I search YouTube for ‘’yoga music relax’’ and start moving, breathing and focusing ON THE PRESENT MOMENT.  It’s only been 3 days, but I enjoy my yoga/meditation morning moment.  This is definitely something that I want to focus more on and learn more about.  The movement wakes me up and the silence calms me down and centers me for the day ahead. (Follow me on IG for more meditation tips this month!)

3.      The eating action step is tougher than I would have imagined..  Growing up, I had an eating disorder.  It took me years to realize that healthy & strong is better than skinny.  I’ve dealt with my shit.  I’m now able to eat without even remembering that food once triggered me….or am I?

When I started studying to become a personal trainer and thought about offering my services online and locally, I knew that I would have to take pics for marketing purposes.  Of course, if I want to prove that I know what I’m talking about: I need to have 6-pack abs.  I sat down to write down a fitness and meal plan.  I thought of everything: EXCEPT MY INNER REBEL COMING OUT TO PLAY.

I would eat healthy meals when others were around…and sneaking and hiding to eat junk food.  I’d go for drives and stop at any take-out spot to grab a little snack.  I was out of control.  I would tell myself to quit it, that I know better, that I should do better and all that fun stuff, but I COULDN’T STOP!  The more I trash talked myself for being so weak, the more junk I craved!

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I would sneak cookies in the bathroom with me when I would go take a bath.

I would hide treats in my purse so I could eat junk while I was driving.

I would have a rotation so I wouldn’t stop at the same spot every single time..

…..

The more I would tell myself that I need flat abs and a bubbly butt for a photo shoot…The more junk I would eat.  The less I would go to the basement to workout.  I was rebelling against the health & fitness world

UNTIL I realized that I was self-sabotaging.  I was triggered by my restrictive meal plan.  My body DID NOT want to go through another eating disorder and couldn’t see the difference between anorexia and eating salads every damn day.

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I had to sit down with myself and really dig deeper into this.

I had to sit down and let the rebel in me speak up so I could hear what she had to say.  I’ve been trying to shut her up for way to long..and it hasn’t worked.  It was time for me to listen.

She was scared.

She didn’t care about abs.

She wants food to be yummy…and consistent!

She spoke her mind and I listened.

I thanked her for protecting me.

I told her ‘’I hear you, but now it’s your turn to hear me’’.

 

I don’t do meal plans.

I trust my intuition.

I allow my body to tell me what it needs, but I listen very carefully when it steers me in the junk direction.  I ask questions.

 

And it’s happening again with this month’s action step.  I am trying to fight it.  I am trying to convince my body that it needs to shut up and stop being bloated after I eat gluten. 

This tells me that there’s a bigger issue here than FOOD.

This tells me that sitting down with my Intuitive Eating program is a MUST for me this month.

There's so much more to say, but at the same time I feel like I should end this blog post here.  I need to let this set in for another week.  Live with it.  Deal with it (not in a snappy deal-with-it way, but in a journaling and being gentle way.)

I will be back next week with an update!  In the meantime, join me in the FREE facebook community - WooWoo Mama Wellness Community - as I share my takeaways and ah-ha moments throughout this journey!